Big Shot Report Card: Bloom to the Rescue!

When it comes to celebrities, I don't care who they are wearing. Sorry. I also don't care for that phrase. What I do care about, though is their manners, their skills.

We already did Boston Accent Report Cards, but why stop there. These big shots need to know how they're doing, on the Red Carpet, out at parties, anywhere they're mingling among the common people. Hollywood can be an ugly place. But you know what? It can also be a beautiful display of human kindness.

Shoot. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Time to start, clearly.

Orlando Bloom: A

Twelve-year-old girls who swoon for the Pirates of the Caribbean hunk have pretty good instincts. At a recent pre-Oscar blowout, Orlando had the perfect opportunity to be a jerk.

He and a bunch of his friends were dancing on chairs. It was obvious that someone was gonna get thrown into the melee. A friend of mine was on the verge of being tossed in (and probably on his ass) when Orlando went all party martyr and tossed himself to the mob.

After recovering from the crowd semisurf, he worked the party and invited a bunch of girls to join him at Teddy's. Sleazy, you might think, but so not. See, a nice guy makes those invitations himself. The creepy dudes send bouncers around to do their plucking for them.

Now, if only Orlando could add Can-Carry-a-Big-Film-All-by-Himself to his repertoire, he'd be just about perfect.