October 7, 2004

Oh, you thought we were done with the puerile penis set, didja? Hardly.

No, we still need to zero in on Grimy Gus and Harland Fuss (or as they're known to their most secretive of buds, Gussy 'n' Fussy). G. 'n' F. have been on location recently. Well, one of them has, at least. Don't think too many folks know that Fuss has joined his good bud Gus for a little mattress messin'.

But I do! (And now you vicarious folks do, too--how fab!)

Look, I'm the first to give a hearty shout-out to two guys who want to do what they want, sexually speaking. But when both--all right, make that one--of these men go to great lengths to make the public believe he's bedding down with rising supersweet starlet Eartha Bertha, well then, I get a little pissy.

Although it sure was romantic when Gus 'n' Fuss went to such a Secret Service-defying to-do while Gus was out of the States (in a film-friendly environment) making his latest butch-it-up celluloid job.

Public lobby and elevator trips at the sumptuous Springtime Suites hotel with Fuss 'n' Eartha were arranged. Photographers just happened to be around, sorta the same way Rock Hudson lived his whole fake life. But I'm getting terribly off the point here, aren't I?

Back to the boys: It really is a modern-day Romeo + Romeo + Juliet story, if ya think about it.

Only the gullible public's the one taking the poison.-


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July 06, 2007

You were expecting Gussy 'n' Fussy, perhaps? Like, who cares about those ersatz het jokers anymore? (Not too many folks, I assure ya.)

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December 04, 2008

"Dear Ted:
Loving your new column, even the yellow. This is a question about an old blind item that I don't expect you'll answer but I thought I'd give it a shot. Are Harland Fuss and Grimy Gus still together?
—Silver

Dear Oldie:
No. Nor were they ever."